Christmas

I know Christmas posts are usually done on Christmas but I have been so busy that the time to get it finished has passed me by. So it comes today, 3 days late but here none the less. This year was my first Christmas without anyone from my immediate family. I don't want to say I was lonely...because my extended family is AMAZING and kept me super busy and always occupied - but it just wasn't the same as christmas' past. I guess I'm growing up and have to redefine what Christmas means to me. This year I had lots of time to think, about Christmas and how we celebrate it.

There was so much I didn't get to do this holiday season....mostly my own fault...why couldn't I just go out and do these things? Like Christmas carolling, come to think of it no one goes door to door Christmas carolling.....next year we will have to get a group together and start knocking and singing! Or hanging Christmas lights, well truth be told they are hung I just never bothered to plug them in. I leave them hung all year round, just in case I get the urge to plug them in one day and light up the porch. I just realized my lights are at the back of my house not the front. Talk about for your own entertainment. Wow so many plans for next year and the year hasn't even started. I have a feeling it will be a crazy one!

Honesty and Forgiveness

The lesson of today is summed up in two words: honesty and forgiveness. I'm not going to explain the exact situation, mostly because it contains confidential information, but partly because I don't want anyone to get hurt by it. However I will say this: these are two words I learnt about hand in hand today. They are like two peas in a pod, they just go together - that's the way they were made.

Also I just want to say thank-you to someone (whose name I'm not going to mention for the above reasons) but you know who you are, and even though you will probably never read this, it is something I have to say. You showed me that no matter who you are, what you do, or what the situation is that forgiveness is always the way to go. You showed me that whatever is going on a simple "I'm sorry" followed by a "that's okay" is sometimes all that is needed to resolve a problem. I know that you will always be there for me - regardless of what is going on - but somehow this is to hard for me to wrap my mind around.

I guess I'm scared of disappointment I guess I'm scared of the friendship that is forming because almost all of my closest friends have hurt me. I know that a broken heart is a beautiful heart, but sometimes I think just one more time and I won't be able to put it back together again. Here's the thing I'm beginning to learn....what broke it, puts it back together. If friendship breaks your heart than friendship will put it back together. Essentially heart glue is the same thing as heart scissors.

They always say the truth will set you free....today I learnt that freedom is sweet, but the best kind of freedom is the freedom you have to fight for yourself, not the freedom that is just handed to you on a silver platter. What is true freedom? I think I have found the answer...it is the experiences, thoughts and feelings encountered throughout life that allow you to live out all of your heart's desires, your deepest dreams, and your greatest passions. A life free of restriction - not needing any restriction because it is guided by the heart and if it is my heart one guided by honesty and forgiveness.

SNOW, SNOW, SNOW

Today we saw a foot and a half of snow fall....all in one day, it was the like the clouds opened up froze and then dropped the word on us. I stood outside last night watching the giant sized snowflakes softly find their way to the ground. I stood in wonder and amazement, in pure awe of the beauty that I was beholding. This morning I saw the repercussion of that. I woke up to 4 inches of snow, instead of shoveling right away I decided, since it looked like it was done, that I would just wait till I got home from work to shovel. When I got home from work over a foot of snow had fallen and every shovel full felt like I was lifting up a concrete block, but we got it done and - if the weather forecast is right - just in time for another snowfall. Snow is this wonderful, beautiful, majestic, annoying thing that I don't think I could live without and I definitely can't live with. I guess you could say we have a love hate relationship, and lesson learned always shovel the few inches of snow before it comes feet of snow!

GOODBYES ARE BITTERSWEET

I am leaving my current home town to go back home (where my parent live) to help them out for a month or so. I have started saying goodbye to all the people that I won't be seeing again. I'm not going to lie, it has brought a tear to my eye more than once. So far everyone has been amazing....giving me hugs that make me feel like I will never be to far away or just saying goodbye in their own way - a way I know they mean that will stay close to my heart forever.

I'm also learning that goodbyes are bitter sweet - kind of like pickles. It's almost 3 am so please don't judge my pickle analogy. A goodbye is something that no one want to say but everyone has to. It has such a negative stigma around it that hardly anyone want to use the word anymore. Having to say it a lot in the last 24 hours and a foresight of having to say it even more doesn't leave me disappointed or downtrodden, instead it leaves me inspired to see what come next. The goodbye for me is an open door to the next hello. Yes it is sad to be leaving ones you love (even if just temporarily), but never for something you know is right for you to do in your heart.

sequence baby!

Today I can't help but think about sequence. I mean whats to not love...it's shiny and fun. I just wish it looked as good on me as it does on all the pictures in the windows of every store in the mall. Regardless of the fact it makes me feel slightly depressed at the same time I want to start frolicking through it all, it brings out my inner six year old. Even though I pretend to hate it, I somehow feel I am having a secret love affair with it. Somehow I hope this is a fashion trend that never strays to far away, please stay my shiny love!

Legacy - oh yea

I am going to try and start blogging again. Somehow I think this might be less scary for people to read what goes on in my mind, than for people actually have to experience it. If you don't know me yet, this soon will make sense.

This evening I burnt myself on the oven getting the roast out, but it was so worth it because -if I may say- it is some of my best work yet. The good thing is I got out of washing the dishes, and rising in cold water felt oh so good.

Then I'm talking to my best friend on the phone (I love you Ellen), and I'm telling her all about my burn incident. The reaction was laughter and a slight ya, that's not surprising. I then find out when she trips over things in her house they refer to it as a "Vicki." As most would be ashamed to be known as the klutz, or to get such a reference, as where I embraced it. I'm not perfect and trying to be is way to hard. Therefore I concluded to settle with that being my legacy, and a good one at that!