Jealous of the Angels

There is something I have been trying to say for a while now, but the words just keep escaping me. I lost my dad almost six months ago (November will be six months). I've wanted to share how I'm feeling for a long time, but I can't seem to find the words - I have been listening to the song "Jealous of the Angels" by Jenn Bostic for the last six months and feeling a great peace from it. When I actually looked up the lyrics, I realized it is what I've been trying to say all of this time. I thought I would share both the song and the lyrics with you.

Jenn Bostic – Jealous Of The Angels

I didn’t know today would be our last

Or that I’d have to say goodbye to you so fast

I’m so numb, I can’t feel anymore

Prayin’ you’d just walk back through that door

And tell me that I was only dreamin’

You’re not really gone as long as I believe

 

There will be another angel

Around the throne tonight

Your love lives on inside of me,

And I will hold on tight

It’s not my place to question,

Only God knows why

I’m just jealous of the angels

Around the throne tonight

 

You always made my troubles feel so small
And you were always there to catch me when I'd fall
In a world where heroes come and go
Well God just took the only one I know
So I'll hold you as close as I can
Longing for the day, when I see your face again
But until then

God must need another angel
Around the throne tonight
Your love lives on inside of me
And I will hold on tight
It's not my place to question
Only God knows why
I'm just jealous of the angels
Around the throne tonight

Singin' hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I'm just jealous of the angels
Around the throne
Tonight

Jenn Bostic - Jealous of the Angels

Writing Again

I read through my whole blog the other night - I thought it would be scarier than it was. I did notice one bith thing!

 

My Writing has gotten worse, as my education and practice have increased.

 

I stewed on this for a few days, and determined that the reason for this is my lack of commitment and dedication to my blog. I used to spend days or weeks formulating just one blog entry. Now I usually whip one out in a matter of minuets, more as a chore than something I want to do.

 

That is why I have decided, since I got a new blog format only a few weeks ago, that I should update my writing to a new format. I have become a better writer and an older smarter woman - it should show it in all that I do.

Atheist Rallies

Yesterday the Atheist Rallies took place in Washington.  Atheists and non-believers were rallying for religious rights. For any who do not know, an atheist is someone who does not believe the God exists. Here is the problem with the atheist rally - a religion is defined as the belief of a controlling supernatural being, also called a God.

 First lets discuss the framework of the rally. They based it on a rally for gay rights, how is this even remotely the same? people rallying for their sexual rights verses people who are rallying for their religious rights (if you can even call it that in this case). They are defending that knowing an atheist goes a long way to accepting atheism. Does anyone else see the problem here? How do you accept something that is the lack of a religion as a religion?

Second, don't they live in a free country with right to believe whatever they want? So why are they getting their knickers all in a bunch because they want more "secularists," as the media is calling them, in politics. What difference would this make? Is not the very framework that the US constitution is based on religious, the same constitution that gives them the right to believe whatever they please to. Also, I think people have tried to change the constitution before, and if memory serves me right (which it might not, because I'm not really up to date on my American History) they were rather unsuccessful on this behalf. All new policies are based on the good of the general public, sorry if that happens to be the same as what the Bible says. Oh, wait no we are not sorry, a lot of the time it is what is best for people that is why it is written in the Bible.

 Is rallying for religious rights, when you don't have a religion really even worth any one's time?

The Time of Year

This is the time of year I love.....usually surrounded by snowflakes (please snow again, please, please, please) a cool chill in the air. There is something about this time of year that usually screams Christmas to me, perhaps it is because right now there is no snow on the ground that I am feeling a little out of sorts. Or, perhaps it is the recent changes at work that have me running around like crazy, while covering holidays. Or, perhaps it is the confusion of life and love. Or, perhaps the sudden realization that final exam time is creeping up quick...when all the assignments are due and studying because something more prominent in life than sleep.

There is so much to do with Christmas decorating and baking and celebrating.

Friday Night Lights

Tonight, I went bowling with the churches youth group. I think I was the only person over the age of 16 - that did not have a kid - who was there. How do I feel about that? Well since I've never been one to follow the crowd, I'm okay with that. Mostly, because I had a great time. However bowling, especially laser bowling (which for those of you that don't know is bowling under black lights, and disco balls, yes I said disco balls) is different than I remember. For starters, I didn't know it was laser bowling my own fault, what else would Friday night be? so I wore a black shirt, not white. For those of you that have never been laser bowling, wear white, you will see why. The only white I had on me were in my argyle patterned socks, and yes there will be a facebook picture to follow, thank-you Shauna for being willing to add your feet and take the picture, oh and the idea to do actually take a picture. The other thing that has changed is the music, I only knew one song that played. Does that make me old, or just out of the loop? What has happened to music lately, do we all have to sound like robots when we are singing? I guess those robots really are going to take over the world sooner than we think.

Christmas

I know Christmas posts are usually done on Christmas but I have been so busy that the time to get it finished has passed me by. So it comes today, 3 days late but here none the less. This year was my first Christmas without anyone from my immediate family. I don't want to say I was lonely...because my extended family is AMAZING and kept me super busy and always occupied - but it just wasn't the same as christmas' past. I guess I'm growing up and have to redefine what Christmas means to me. This year I had lots of time to think, about Christmas and how we celebrate it.

There was so much I didn't get to do this holiday season....mostly my own fault...why couldn't I just go out and do these things? Like Christmas carolling, come to think of it no one goes door to door Christmas carolling.....next year we will have to get a group together and start knocking and singing! Or hanging Christmas lights, well truth be told they are hung I just never bothered to plug them in. I leave them hung all year round, just in case I get the urge to plug them in one day and light up the porch. I just realized my lights are at the back of my house not the front. Talk about for your own entertainment. Wow so many plans for next year and the year hasn't even started. I have a feeling it will be a crazy one!

Honesty and Forgiveness

The lesson of today is summed up in two words: honesty and forgiveness. I'm not going to explain the exact situation, mostly because it contains confidential information, but partly because I don't want anyone to get hurt by it. However I will say this: these are two words I learnt about hand in hand today. They are like two peas in a pod, they just go together - that's the way they were made.

Also I just want to say thank-you to someone (whose name I'm not going to mention for the above reasons) but you know who you are, and even though you will probably never read this, it is something I have to say. You showed me that no matter who you are, what you do, or what the situation is that forgiveness is always the way to go. You showed me that whatever is going on a simple "I'm sorry" followed by a "that's okay" is sometimes all that is needed to resolve a problem. I know that you will always be there for me - regardless of what is going on - but somehow this is to hard for me to wrap my mind around.

I guess I'm scared of disappointment I guess I'm scared of the friendship that is forming because almost all of my closest friends have hurt me. I know that a broken heart is a beautiful heart, but sometimes I think just one more time and I won't be able to put it back together again. Here's the thing I'm beginning to learn....what broke it, puts it back together. If friendship breaks your heart than friendship will put it back together. Essentially heart glue is the same thing as heart scissors.

They always say the truth will set you free....today I learnt that freedom is sweet, but the best kind of freedom is the freedom you have to fight for yourself, not the freedom that is just handed to you on a silver platter. What is true freedom? I think I have found the answer...it is the experiences, thoughts and feelings encountered throughout life that allow you to live out all of your heart's desires, your deepest dreams, and your greatest passions. A life free of restriction - not needing any restriction because it is guided by the heart and if it is my heart one guided by honesty and forgiveness.